A Connection before we connected

 Tina and I had our first connection at my 
birth. Tina was only 14 years old at 
the time. I was born in 1979 in a hospital 
where her mother was employed. Tina's 
mom was there when I was born. I had
 never known that until I had met Tina in 
2009. My birth was one to remember I 
suppose. Although I didn't meet Tina on a 
personal level till 2009 she had been 
my neighbor for a few years. I remember 
seeing Tina out and about from 2006.
 I was extremely shy at that time and 
suffered a major relapse of depression.
 I have suffered from depression for many 
years, my 2006 relapse was the longest
 and most difficult. It lasted for about 8 
months. I didn't have any close friends as
 a teen, I was home schooled and only 
had family to be friends with, I am very close to my baby sisters and youngest 
two brothers. They all attended public school and I only had school 3 days per 
week all by myself. Most of my time was spent with my mother whom I find myself 
exactly like



I remember writing a letter to god asking him to send me a best girlfriend i 
mailed the letter labeled heaven. As an adult I had met a woman named Tammy, we 
got close but she ended up moving away leaving me alone. I developed a 
friendship with my husband and it was sufficient for a while. A husband can't be 
a girlfriend though. I then met another good friend named Nichole and we were 
close for a few months and it ended in the same way as my first friendship. I 
shouldn't say ended but we lost communication. I haven't seen those two girls 
for years now. We talk on Facebook but that is the ashes of friendship. Losing 
touch with Tammy and Nichole back to back really took its toll on me. It wasn't 
long after that when I slipped into that relapse of depression I just wrote 
about. I feared meeting anyone new, I didn't want the third time to be the charm 
that would do me in. I turned to my husband and beagle hound for comfort. I had 
lots of love from family and in-laws but it isn't the same as a best friend. 

My family grew up and out, leaving me talking to myself most of the time. I got 
to see my sisters a few times a month and some lived with us for bits at a time 
once in a while. Martha and Daniel stayed the longest stents with us. Mary 
started college and eventually John moved away.  My brother in law had known 
Tina from school and as a child. They became close again when her family moved 
back to the ridge. Our house burnt in 2008 and we moved back in at Brent's moms. 
I would see Tina and Vince hang out from time to time. When she would come to 
our house to see Vince I would run to my room. She never stayed that long, I 
would go back to the living room and resume what I was doing after she had left. 
I just was not a people person. I had managed to avoid people my whole life, it 
wasn't just Tina I avoided, it was everyone. I figured the more people who met 
me the more questions would be asked. I had been the butt end of jokes and the 
target at the end of their finger as they pointed since I could walk. I figured 
at 30 years old it would take a mighty special person to break down the walls I 
built for 25 years. I never knew that special person would be one I avoided for 
4 years, I never would have guessed it would be Tina.

 Tina was born in early spring in 1965, she 
recalled some of her birthdays being 
cold with snow on the ground. She told
 me she remembered it being very warm on 
her 8th birthday and warm again on her 
18th birthday. Tina lived on the ridge 
when she was young then moved closer 
to town when her family sold the farm. Her 
family ended up buying the farm back
 just after the start on the new millennium. 
I remember seeing new people remodeling
 the house and in no time the whole farm 
got a facelift. Tina was the middle of tree 
children, she had one brother and 
one sister. She once said that being the 
middle child automatically made her the 
black sheep of her family. Tina was born
 breech, it was a difficult time as she 
was being born. She often commented saying "I was born ass first" then she'd 
giggle about it. 


Tina had friends growing up, a few became very close to her. She seldom spoke of 
them to me as they had grown apart over the years. Some she even had hard 
feelings for. She felt alone much like I did, she told me she had never met the 
perfect friend. I assume she meant a perfect friend would be one with no life, 
that could dedicate all of their time to a friendship yet love each other. I was 
the target in her sights, I was just that lifeless lonely person wanting and 
needing a friend. She often spoke of her childhood and had many pleasant stories 
about growing up. On the other hand she began to see a much more difficult life 
as she grew from child to teenager. She recalled many dark and sad times as 
well. She also suffered from depression and struggled with so many questions of 
life. Tina tried to medicate her emotions with food and became overweight, much 
like I did. 

Besides food I turned to a few drinks on the weekends to medicate my emotions. I 
remember pulling up to the drive through at the liquor store one Friday night to 
be waited on by none other than Tina. I didn't even know her name at that point. 
She looked like someone I had seen before. Later she told me that she knew 
exactly who I was. We were alike in so many ways, it was our destiny to meet 
each other and share our burdens of life long before we even met face to face. 
Before I had the courage to even talk to her I would observe her. She seemed 
like a well put together person from a strangers perspective, I was not sure I 
would meet her standards and expectations. I would hear a few things about her 
every once in a while and was under the impression that she was a nurse. Brent 
had told me that he had worked with her at the hospital, he didn't say exactly 
what her job was.

  Tina and I both went through 
heart issues before we met, 
I have an enlarged heart and she
 suffered cardiac arrest. Our lives
 lived before we met were 
strikingly alike. It would give us 
years of conversation, we never 
stopped talking. Now you have a very
 small summery of our history, 
tomorrow starts the stories of two 
lives destined to be together.